Love Languages
Many struggle with keeping love alive after they have been together with their partner for some time, even though they seem to do everything right! The reason might be that you are overlooking your partner’s love language.
Everyone has their love language. When we are fluent in a language, it is much easier to communicate with someone across cultural lines. In the same way, if you can identify your partner’s love language, you can be a more effective communicator of love. It’s not that your love has withered over time; you just need to learn to speak your loved one’s love language.
What Are The 5 Love Languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman’s wonderful publication “The 5 Love Languages” helps highlight the 5 major love languages. According to him, there are five types of love languages – five ways of expressing and receiving love:
Words of Affirmation
Your words are powerful; they can be one of the most effective communicators of love. Words of affirmation include even the simplest statements, such as…
“You look great in that dress!”
“You inspire me to do better.”
“I feel lucky that I have you.”
Positive affirmations can make one feel loved, cared for, and acknowledged. People who share this love language place great importance on what you say to them. Or, to put it simply, words speak volumes for them.
Oh, and you don’t always have to verbally say these words to them; even a handwritten note or a text message can be just as effective!
Quality Time
People who share this love language need to spend time with their loved ones for their relationship to develop and grow. It’s not just about giving them your time or being near one another; it also includes giving them your focused attention.
Say a couple goes out for dinner. If one keeps reverting to their phone while the other keeps trying to strike up a conversation, they may feel neglected. Quality time is therefore spending time together and giving your complete attention to the other person.
Receiving Gifts
People who share this love language view gifts as a visual representation of love. They value people who put thought into their gifts. The gifts they receive don’t have to be particularly expensive; rather, they should hold some meaning or significance. They look at your gift and think, “he remembered me” or “she was thinking about me.”
Acts of Service
People who share this love language feel loved when you do things for them. Your actions carry value for them, especially if you go out of your way to do things for them.
However, extravagant gestures aren’t always what they seek. Even the smallest gestures – bringing them food, making them a cup of tea, and doing household chores can make your partner feel valued.
Physical Touch
People who share this love language value the physical expression of love and intimacy. Note that this doesn’t just mean sex. Anything from giving your loved one a warm hug, holding their hands, or simply kissing on their cheek are valid forms of intimate love.
For everyone, intimacy is not limited to one form; you should communicate with your partner and try to understand what they want from you.
The 5 Love Language Quiz: Identify Your Love Language
Download the Quiz: Identify your Love Language
Want to know what your language is? Take your time to review the following statements and see which best resonates with you.
Words of Affirmation
- I like receiving a loving note from my significant other for no special reason.
- I love hearing him/her say, “I love you.”
- I love getting complimented by them for no apparent reason
- I love hearing supportive or appreciative words from him/her
Quality Time
- I like spending uninterrupted quality time with the people I love
- I like spending time doing a shared activity or hobby with him or her
- I like being alone with him or her—just the two of us
- I like being with him or her even when we’re not particularly doing anything
- I love it when he/she gives me a little gift as a token of our love
- I like getting small gifts unexpectedly
- I like when they give me something that shows I was on their mind
- I love people who put thought into their gifts
- I like it when someone close to me does something practical to help me out
- I love it when he/she does something unexpectedly – filling my car for me or folding my laundry
- I want people to do nice things, not just talk about doing nice things
- I admire it when he/she does something for me even though he may not enjoy it
Physical Touch
- I like hugging him/her
- I like it when they put their arms around me when we’re out
- I like holding hands as we walk down the street
- I like being physically intimate with him/her
Tips for Dating People with Each Type of The 5 Love Language
“Ignoring our partner’s love languages is like ignoring the needs of a garden: if we don’t weed, water, or fertilize, it will die a slow death” – Dr. Gary Chapman.
To strengthen your relationship, here are some tips for dating people with each type of love language:
- Words of Affirmation
Choose your words wisely! Try to offer words of encouragement and appreciation whenever you see an occasion for them. Search for specific qualities in your spouse and show that you aren’t sharing empty affirmations but do notice the small things.
- Quality Time
Plan activities for you to do together. Take the time and ask them what THEY would enjoy doing instead of assuming you know. The activities don’t necessarily have to be expensive; a simple walk together or even a day in bed watching romantic movies can be meaningful.
- Receiving Gifts
Look out for the special occasions – your wedding anniversary, your first date together, their birthday. Try to honor each with a thoughtful gift.
Remember, your gift doesn’t have to be expensive; keep them thoughtful and meaningful. Sometimes a handmade gift may be the best choice!
- Acts of Service
Look out for tasks your spouse would like you to do; these can be chores around the home or anything off their to-do list. You should also ask them if they need anything done directly since not everyone desires the same acts of service.
- Physical Touch
Show your love through intimacy and physical affection. Reach out and hold their hand more often or give them a warm hug whenever you are around them. Putting your arm around them while you sit together – these are really simple ways of showing that you love them!
So, there you have it! The 5 love languages and how you can use them to strengthen your relationship. After all, a relationship, whether it is dating or marriage, is supposed to bring joy in your life.
